Life's Plans
by navycorpsman
Summary: Just a random entries from Neela and Ray's journals regarding life and life's plans for them.
1. Neela

**Disclaimer:** Without Prejudice. The names of all characters contained here in are the property of ER, NBC, etc. No Infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission. I swear I don't own the company, the show, or these characters. Otherwise they'd already have been together LOOOOOOOOONG before this!

**Credit to rmncfan for the lease ending idea and for letting me use it!

* * *

**

The walk to work from the train is interesting to say the least; especially considering County is smack dab in the middle of Chicago. Along the way, there's the homeless, asking for money, sleeping, or, sometimes, relieving themselves on the very sidewalk in which you're walking. Try sending that in a post card back home. _Dear Mummy and Daddy…here's where I live. Lovely, isn't it._ If I were to do that, my parents would be on the next flight from England to bring me back home.

It's so easy to pass by them and wonder what got them on the street. Did they get too wrapped up in drugs or alcohol? Did they not save enough so that when they lost their job, they had no money for anywhere to live? It's scary to think of it that way.

What's even scarier is that we think it will never be us. After all, we don't use drugs or abuse alcohol. We have managed to save enough.

I thought that. Until recently.

Until recently, I never once thought of being homeless. After all, I had a husband with a stable job plus what I brought home from the hospital. I never worried about being homeless. Now, it's something I do worry about. I was homeless...except for Abby's kindness.

I hadn't thought about that ever happening to me. After all, I was in control. I planned and I budgeted and I planned some more. Some would argue that I possibly over planned.

I had moved out of the apartment I shared with Ray with really no place to go. Fortunately, Abby, who's practically living with Luka anyway, said I could stay at her apartment until I found one.

It wasn't for lack of trying that I couldn't find one. It was being a single woman. There were apartments in my budget near County that I could afford, but they weren't in the nicest area of town.

I began to regret running.

I didn't move out of Ray's because I hated him. It's quite the opposite, actually. I moved out because I loved him and was unable to deal with those feelings. Every time he walked down the hall or I heard him in the shower, it was all I could do to not seduce him. I began to feel that one more day there and I'd lose it, betraying Michael and breaking all the plans we made.

But life sometimes has different ideas. I found out that life has different plans for us and throw a monkey wrench into our perfectly working planning machines so that we're forced to stop and start all over again.

I knew Abby's lease would be up soon and I tried to figure out how I could afford it, but for some reason, I couldn't. I went over and over and over my budget with a fine toothcomb and still couldn't figure out why I couldn't afford Abby's place.

So, on a cold snowy day, I make my way back to a familiar part of town, up some familiar stairs, to a familiar door. I hesitantly knock on, not knowing if he was home. It's not like I didn't want to be there. Heaven help me. I _wanted_ to be there. But it wasn't what I had planned. I hadn't planned on losing my husband to a roadside bomb in Iraq and then dating a paramedic because I couldn't…wouldn't…admit how much Ray meant to me. I certainly had not planned on standing out in the hallway, thinking of what to say to him when he answered the door.

Least of all…I never planned on falling in love with Ray Barnett.

It was all I could do to stop myself when Ray answered the door in just his jeans. He never asked questions. When I told him about Abby's lease ending and not having a place to stay, he told me he still had my room set up, ready for my return.

I sighed in relief.

But that goes back to life having a different plan for me and waiting for me to finally follow its lead.

I just hadn't had a chance to figure it out.


	2. Ray

Where to even start this? I started this thing after she moved out. As to why? Not sure. Maybe it was my own way of showing how much I love her. Maybe it's my way of dealing with emotions I never thought I'd ever feel. Neela Rasgotra has no idea…she…she changed me and until she left, even I had no idea that she had.

Sex. Beer. Rock 'n' Roll. That was really my life. One-night stands were as close as I came to being committed to someone. I've been afraid of commitment for most of my life. Never thought I'd be nearing 30 and still living life as a bachelor. But, that's how life goes sometimes.

It seems to plan our lives for us before we get a chance to even think about things.

I knew I always wanted to be a doctor. Since I was 3. I had gotten a pretty nasty hit on the head and had to go into the ER. It was then that I knew that, not only did I want to be a doctor, I wanted to work in the ER as well. 

Life gave me two things I wanted.

But somewhere along the way, it decided it didn't want me to love. Let's see…who was…Ah yes! Michele Davidson. She's the girl that life threw at me to test if I'd ever love. Well, I did and BAM! Broken heart. I was all of 15 years old, I think, and since then, I've never really ever been able to love.

But, life sometimes plans things for us that we're not aware of.

Life introduced me to Neela Rasgotra, a dark skinned, dark haired, dark eyed beauty from England. She's…she's one that seems to think you can plan life. Yet, life keeps throwing things at her that throws her plans right out the window.

Like when she had to move in with me.

That blew her plans right out the window.

I'm a slob. I admit it. Cleaning up is work sometimes and with the shifts you work as a resident, the easiest thing is to simply drop your stuff anywhere and head to bed. Neela _NEVER_ planned on sharing a house with a slob. She's a neat freak to the very core of her. If it's even on tiny millimeter off, she starts freaking because it's a mess.

I can be a bit obnoxious. Maybe it's because I had to fight the pretty boy image. Okay…maybe not…but still, I am obnoxious to a degree and I know Neela never planned on having a roommate this obnoxious.

She hadn't really planned on marrying Michael (I'd curse his name, but may he rest in some sort of peace) but she did. Kind of a "Let's see what this marriage thing is really about…Sure, why not?" type of wedding. She never planned on being a Soldier's wife. I guess that takes planning to a whole different level.

She certainly never planned on life without him. She never planned on him being killed by a roadside bomb. She never planned on technically being homeless. Fortunately for her (and to a degree, me) she's living at Abby's, but for how long? Only life knows.

But, right now…shift is over and I'm sitting on my couch, typing this in my journal, trying to figure out what plans I had that fell through. Well other than the whole 2.5 kids with a white picket fenced home in Downer's Grove with the most beautiful wife in the world.

Someone's knocking at my door.

Hadn't planned on anyone coming over, so hope that it's noone important as I'm just in my jeans.

The knocking is refusing to stop, so will close for now.

Ray Barnett, MD (why does that always seem so strange to me and why do I suddenly feel like I'm Doogie Howser?)


End file.
